As a Professional Internet Writer, I am often tasked with writing about AMAZING PRODUCTS that YOU CAN BUY NOW.
We are also at the confluence of two very important seasons: the holiday shopping season, and the season in which EXCLUSIVE JOCO MERCH is available for purchase.
With that in mind, I’ve put together a little holiday shopping guide for Christmas, Hanukkah, Festivus, the annual December holiday where you buy cool things for yourself and give everyone else gift cards, and any other holidays you might be celebrating in the next few weeks.
Visit the JCC Merch Shop (Before the December 15 Deadline)
The JCC Merch Shop is now open! Log into your JoCo Cruise User Account to see what the Home Office is offering this year.
These items will only be available until December 15, after which the JCC Merch Shop will close until the actual cruise, when you can buy the physical items onboard the Freedom of the Seas at significantly higher prices. (Royal Caribbean adds a price markup to all merch sold onboard, so it can take a cut.)
Here’s a sample of what you’ll see in the JCC Merch Shop:
Emojis are now the same thing as words, at least according to the Oxford Dictionaries, so celebrate this new linguistic development with the JoCo Cruise Emoji Shirt and the JoCo Cruise Emoji Bucket Hat.
These clothing items use symbols to communicate the feeling of being on the cruise, just like real language. (Like any other kind of language, emojis can also be easily misinterpreted. Does the sun emoji mean “I love sunshine,” or “I am getting badly sunburned?” It depends on whether you add the sunscreen emoji, I think.)
You’re also going to want to pay attention to the JoCo Cruise 2016 Photo Book, which is not only cool because it will contain photos from the upcoming JoCo Cruise (possibly featuring YOU), but is also cool because all of the profits are going to the Worldbuilders charity, founded by JCC Featured Guest Patrick Rothfuss.
Check out the JCC Merch Shop to see what else they have in store! (I can’t decide whether to be proud or ashamed of that pun; I’m picking proud.)
Get to Know Your JCC Performers Through the Magic of Capitalism
If you have not yet read, heard, or watched the media created by the JCC Performers, here is a non-exhaustive list of items to add to your holiday shopping:
*Jonathan Coulton’s music downloads page, which includes the option to buy everything on the page for $80
*Imogen Heap’s Sparks: Deluxe Edition CD
*Michael Ian Black’s Naked, a children’s picture book which might make a perfect gift for a preschooler you know
*Allie Brosh’s Hyperbole and a Half 2016 Wall Calendar
*Cameron Esposito’s comedy album Same Sex Symbol, which comes bundled with a Same Sex Symbol T-shirt
Again, this list is non-exhaustive, and I haven’t even included any of the JCC Featured Guests. So check out the full roster on the JoCo Cruise website, click on their faces, learn more about them, and buy all their stuff.
Admit That Holiday Shopping Starts Earlier Every Year
If you are appalled that I am suggesting Christmas shopping when it is not yet Thanksgiving, I urge you to consider purchasing JCC Featured Guest Molly Lewis’s Thanksgiving Vs. Christmas, a new holiday musical that fully shares this sentiment. (It’s important to only consume media that reflects your point of view, after all.)
Thanksgiving vs. Christmas was written by Molly Lewis and Josh A. Cagan, and features ME, NICOLE DIEKER in a supporting role. I mention it completely without bias.
Buy Items You Might Need on the Cruise
Did you know you’re going to be on a Caribbean cruise in roughly 14 weeks? (I can’t believe it either, and this is my fifth time.)
Here are a few gifts to give yourself this holiday season:
- A passport (we cannot mention this enough)
- Sunscreen (almost as important as the passport)
- A shuttle to get from Orlando to Port Canaveral
- A new swimsuit
- A new formal outfit
- A fez
- A pair of Fancy Pants for the annual JCC Fancy Pants Parade
Honestly, you’ll probably be fine with the swimsuit and formalwear you already have, but this is the season where I mention AMAZING PRODUCTS that YOU CAN BUY NOW, and I would be remiss if I didn’t do my duty thoroughly.
If you have any questions about the merch I just mentioned, take ‘em to the JoCo Cruise 2016 Facebook Group.
Otherwise, enjoy your holiday shopping!